why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
