We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am available for nakedness
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
