Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
