I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
