Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so fucking centered right now
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
