i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
