I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
