the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.