I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.