How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy