I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises