i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.