I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
