i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
