I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom