He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
