my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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