So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
