you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
