Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How's work?
Spinning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
