my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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