my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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