Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Still dying that you shit outside
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
