I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
