Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
