By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize