Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
