I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do vagina's smell?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
