Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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