When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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