how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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