what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
