i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
