I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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