Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
