Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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