I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
