So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
