Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
