it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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