when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
