I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
