We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
