Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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