SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
