Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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