dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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