Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
