You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
