I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
