Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
