She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
