I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The air was thick with penises
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
