Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
