We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
