Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
