so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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