this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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