I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
