she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
