If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
