I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
