So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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