if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize