This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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