What a fucking waste of an outfit
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This house was built for laser tag.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
