remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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