I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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