my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
