Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
